Saturday, July 30, 2005

church smarm conspiracy?

The Primitive Baptist Church (as if there were some other kind) and the Church of Christ across the street have always enjoyed a friendly rivalry (in my mind at least) over their signage, one sign being within eyesight of the other on a rather major highway in suburbia.

I have to admit, when it came to out-and-out smarminess, the Primitve Baptist Church always had the upper hand with gems such as "Seven days without prayer makes one weak" and "Exposure to the Son may prevent burning." Cute, isn't it.

But the past few days, an unusual trend has emerged. Both churches have abandoned smarminess to congratulate newlyweds. "Best wishes for your life together John and Sue" at the Primitive, and the characteristically more pedestrian "Congratulations Glenn and Debbie" at the C of C.

I don't get it. What gives? Have they just recently begun performing marriages? Isn't that kind of their bread and butter?

I have a few theories.

1. Maybe John and Glenn are actually rivals embroiled in a bitter game of churchgoers' who's who one-upmanship.

2. Both churches are currently hell-bent on proving that they truly only marry men to women and women to men.

3. Clergy nationwide have finally come to their senses and gotten "real".

But what I really think is that there must be a big subscription service for church-sign-smarm. A content-server went down somewhere, and for once they were on their own, and just couldn't muster it up.

Actually it was kind of nice. I wished John and Sue and Glenn and Debbie well.

Hope they were virgins.

1 comment:

M.T. Vanus said...

Ob La,

Let's consider the numeric value of the two messages. If we substitute 1 or a, 2 for b, etc. we have for Best wishes for your life together John and Sue the number 441 which reduces to 9. The numeric value of Congratulations Glenn and Debbie is 286, which reduces to 7. So we have 9 vs. 7. After cracking the code, I find that 9 means "Let's preach love but support war.” 7 means I close my eyes to the starving children and worship at a multi-million dollar arena with a state of the art sound system and floor to ceiling TV and all the while feel extremely Christian. I think that about says it.