Monday, September 05, 2005

objective proof that the news is less funny than it used to be

NewZoid cleverly cuts up headlines, then reassembles them in random, sometimes interesting, and occasionally intelligible ways. Here are some ripped --- and sewn back up again --- from today's headlines:


1-Stones Killed Near Kandahar
2-Domino 'Shaken' By File-sharing Ruling
3-Kazaa 'Want Clarke To Lead Tories'
4-Kenya Constitution Return To New Orlean
5-Nepal Government Expected In Debate
6-UPDATE - Putin Frees Gig Thrills Rome
7-Afghan Rebels Killed In Iraq
8-Alps Cable Car Crash Assaults On CDs'
9-Criminal Soldiers 'Must Crash On Baghdad Ministry
10-Bush Halts Paltrow Venice Date
11-Countries Defend UK Katrina Response
12-Bjork Unites For Hurricane Relief
13-Three Held Over Truce
14-Indonesia Jet Leaves Army'
15-Trial For Saddam Hussein Meeting Today On Take-off
16-Yen Advances; Polls Hang In Balance As Italy Government Bickers
17-Has Katrina Shaking Gaza City
18-Bush Returns To See City Damage
19-Blake Has Lung Cancer
20-Indonesian Plane Accused Over Anthony Axe Murder

I've been visiting this site now and again since '02. It's always particuarly good when a couple of scandals hit the headlines.

You can go back in time and run the thing for some past date. I ran it for Feb 4. 02, picking a date at random, and it came up with some gems; I can't remember what news stories going at the time would have generated these, though.

1- U.S. Officials Filing Suit Over Wild Carnival Urination
2- Israel Dismisses Reports Linking It to Al Qaeda
3- Panty Thief Wowing Bigwigs at War Crimes Trial
4- Angry Hippo Shakes Southern Spain
5- Nigeria on Alert for Reprisal Killings After Jellyfish Sting
6- Angry Hippo Slams Schwarzenegger Film
7- Detained Militant Putting 1,200 Snow Shovelers on Freedom Day
8- Hong Kongers Show Signs of Gay Parents
9- Backstreet Boy Wins Super Bowl on Treatment
10- Kangaroo to Have Risky Sex
11- Germans Skipped From Toronto Fire
12- Deadly Dengue Epidemic Says She's Ready for 3rd Weekend
13- Kangaroo Paying on Dates: Women Love It, Men Less Sure
14- Kangaroo to Attend Academy Awards
15- Rudy Giuliani Can Reduce Post-Natal Depression
16- Afghan Factions Overshadow Super Bowl Ads
17- MTV Asia Causes Storm by Attacking Left
18- Coroner Unveils Budget; Democrats Go on Terror Fear
19- Gates Cropping Could Create Superweed
20- Anthrax at FCC Kill Five Palestinian Militants in Once-A-Day Tablet

Hmmm. I think anyone would agree that the '02 headlines were much funnier when spliced together randomly. It seems maybe the news just isn't as funny now as it was in '02.

It seemed bad at the time, I think.

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